


blindsided by you

by cryingintheclub



Series: so close [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Breakup, M/M, Transfer Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-12-27 13:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingintheclub/pseuds/cryingintheclub
Summary: a study in betrayal





	blindsided by you

**Author's Note:**

> this is the angsty bobby/phil transfer fic nobody wanted

**ROBERTO FEELS LIKE HE CAN'T BREATHE. **

Phil's standing in front of him, mouth moving as he explains - as he _justifies_ \- why he chose Barcelona, why he chose to leave Liverpool, why he chose to leave _Roberto_. But Roberto cannot make out the words; all he sees is Phil's mouth moving as he hears ringing in his ears and his lungs feel like they're about to collapse. 

Really, Roberto should not be this surprised. 

It wasn't like Phil gave Roberto an inkling that he wanted to stay. Whenever Roberto would try to bring it up, Phil would change the subject by giving him a vague answer or shutting him up by kissing him on the lips, distracting Roberto for the next half an hour or so. 

Phil has stopped talking; his lips have stopped moving but Roberto still can't hear anything, still overwhelmed by the sensation of anger, hurt and betrayal. Roberto feels betrayed; how can Phil just stand there and talk about Barcelona, talk about how this is his chance to fulfil his dream of winning trophies when he was breaking Roberto's heart in the process? What about what _he_ wanted? What about _his_ dream? 

Roberto feels like an idiot at all those times Roberto and Phil had laid together in bed, hands and legs intertwined, and Roberto had told Phil that all he ever wanted was to be beside Phil when they won a trophy. And Phil had smiled at him, a big, bright smile, and told Roberto he wanted the same thing. Roberto's dream is crumbling down before his eyes; never again will Phil be clad in red, no, now he will be clad in blaugrana. 

_Betrayal. Betrayal. Betrayal. Betrayal. _

That's all Roberto can think - can feel - as Phil stands in front of Roberto, silent and unsure. Roberto wants to yell at Phil; to call him a liar, an asshole, a selfish bastard. He wants to make Phil hurt as much as he is hurting right now. 

"Bobby," Phil gets out, voice steady as it cuts through the heavy silence. "Please, say something." 

Roberto doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what he _wants_ to say. What can he say to Phil? That he's happy for him? That he thinks he's a selfish prick and is potentially making the worst decision of his life? 

This time, when Phil opens his mouth to say Roberto's name, his voice shakes. "Bobby. Please. Just say something, _anything_." 

Roberto opens his mouth to say something - _anything_ \- but his throat dries out and nothing comes out. What does Phil want him say? That he feels betrayed, blindsided by the one person that he never expected to make him feel like this? 

"I -" Roberto manages to get out before his throat dries up again. He thinks about all those times he and Phil have stayed up at night, wondering and imagining what it would be like to win the League or to win the Champion's League and have the Liverpool fans scream out their names in victory. How it would feel to have Anfield light up, to be standing in front of the Kop as the fans cheer in euphoria and passion. 

"What do you want me to say?" The words feel heavy on Roberto's tongue as he says them. 

Phil's face pinches slightly before it softens. "Bobby -" 

"You're leaving," Roberto interrupts, "because what? You want to win trophies? Do you even know how _selfish_ that sounds?" 

Phil's face pinches again, and it takes all of Bobby's willpower to ignore the clenching of his chest to continue speaking. To get Phil to understand what he's putting him through. Phil doesn't open his mouth to interrupt or object, so Roberto thinks he knows how selfish he is being, and it makes this a hundred times worse. 

"Barcelona, one of the biggest clubs in football - if not _the_ biggest club in football - want me on their team," Phil speaks softly, as if trying to reason with a small child, and it makes anger flare up the back of Roberto's spine. 

"And what about Liverpool? Is this team not good enough for _the magician_?" Roberto knows it's cruel, that it's uncalled for, but Roberto's bitter and hurt and betrayed and quite frankly doesn't give a damn. 

"Liverpool may be enough for you, but it's not enough for me," Phil says softly with a tinge of sadness, as if he's saddened by the fact that Liverpool is not enough for him, that he needs more. 

_And what about us?_ Roberto wants to say. _Is what we have not enough for you? _

But Roberto doesn't say what he truly wants to say. Instead he clamps down on his tongue in order to prevent himself from more heartbreak. Call him a coward, but his heart needs a break before it gets smashed into smithereens and he won't he able to pick up the pieces to mend his broken heart. 

"I love you, Bobby. But we want different things. You want Liverpool and I want Barcelona," Phil continues, his voice shaking. 

_There was a time when we both wanted the same things. What changed?_ Roberto wants to ask, but is too afraid of hearing what the answer will be. 

Roberto stares at Phil as he continues speaking. He doesn't register what Phil saying, not when all he can think about is this person - who looks like Phil, who speaks like Phil - is unrecognisable. Maybe Roberto never knew Phil that well at all. The thought makes Roberto choke up. 

"So this is it?" Roberto asks, the words heavy on his tongue as he forces them out. "You're just leaving?" 

Phil inhales sharply. "It's not that simple."

"It is. You want a transfer out of Liverpool, you got the transfer and now you're leaving." Roberto's voice is cold and hard and is foreign to his own ears. 

"It doesn't have to be like this, you know." 

"Do you really think we can be friends?" Roberto lets out a laugh; one that is devoid of humour and is full of bitterness. "We could never be friends, Phil." 

"I don't want you to hate me." 

_You should have thought about that before you decided Liverpool wasn't enough for you, that what we had wasn't enough for you. _

"I could never hate you, Phil." _Not when you have my heart_, Roberto wants to add, but doesn't have the courage to do so. 

Phil leaves Roberto's place for the final time, stopping by the door and turning around to look at Roberto one last time, his face full of regret. It takes all of Roberto's resolve to not break down at the sight. 

"It doesn't have to end this way," Phil says, before he steps out of the doorway and closes the door behind him. 

_It was always going to end this way_, Roberto thinks miserably as he sinks to the floor. _It was always going to end this way when you decided that Barcelona was just what you wanted. _

It was always going to end this way, only he was too naive to realise it until now.


End file.
